Relationships

Relationships take on a new and different importance as people get older. Are you ready to think about the changes?

Usually individuals will have one relationship which is particularly important and is the foundation for all the others. However, one person cannot be expected to meet all of an individual’s needs.

Change in older age may mean adjustments in relationships with spouses or partners. It is important to be adaptable and have open lines of communication. Planning how time is spent as a couple as well as two individuals will help to ease the transition to retirement.

People who have maintained highly segmented lives, with partners being responsible for different aspects of the relationship, eg work/home operation, may find that later life is a time to re-think their roles and relationships.

Family relationships

As you're ageing, you're probably facing changing relationships with younger and older family members.

Bringing up a family, despite the strains and anxieties, offers a special feeling of connection and achievement. If the 'empty nest syndrome' coincides with stopping or reducing work this may be a time of major adjustment. You may find you need to find a balance between maintaining parental relationships and letting children get on with their lives.

On the other hand, you may find your own parents are becoming more dependent.

If you're considering having a parent live with you, you need to consider both the positive and negative effects this may have on all concerned. See our sections on Discussing change and Making a move.

The birth of a grandchild brings new adjustments. The skills of grandparents may be called on and you can hold a unique position in the life of your grandchildren.

Relationship-related questions to ask now:

• What, or who, do we want to live near in our retirement?
• Have we considered how our decision now will affect us in the long term when we may be less physically able?
• Can we both deal with the everyday finances? If one of us dies, will the other know how to deal with the finances, like insurance? Are our wills up to date?
• Do we want to develop new hobbies or interests? And together, or separately?
• Can we both cook or maintain the house and car? Do we need to learn new skills? Are we going to share these tasks or do them individually?
• Are we going to be able to manage in 10 years’ time? Can we do things now that will make us more self-sufficient in the future?